Best Selling Books by S Ron Mars

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1 - 7 of 7 results
release date: Apr 23, 2017
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Eat Fish and Die (5 Book Series)
From Book 1: Warning: This is not a paranormal urban fantasy romance.

Stuck on a small planetoid, we find Major Joachim Merlot. He’s the military equivalent of a street sweeper, defending Earth against an alien race of stinking fish-like creatures. Merlot isn’t interested in being any kind of hero -- he just wants to return home and see who won the office betting pool. His odds of making it back alive are only one in sixteen, but that doesn’t matter. He’s been issued a handy dandy Battle Ready Android with the fire power of an entire platoon. The only problem? He can’t let the android think too much. Too much thinking, you see, can upset it. And there’s the rub. Since everyone thinks most of the time, how can you figure out when it’s too much?
release date: Nov 19, 2016
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The Blower Job (Eat Fish and Die Book 4)
Since you haven’t been offended by the last three installments of this #@!$%*-up Sci-Fi Military series, welcome back for a fourth helping of Puppis chicken braised in white wine and fresh dill! Hooah!

The interstellar Sardine War is now in full swing like a nail infested baseball bat. And once again we find Major Joachim Merlot in the middle of a nasty interstellar battle. Our hero bets he’ll finally get a bullet in the head. But after meeting a hot alien soldier named Espiona, he might just get lucky. That is, in the worst possible way.

If you've read this far, please stop and buy the darn book! It's under a dollar, for Pete's sake!
release date: Apr 16, 2017
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The Dead Offensive (Eat Fish and Die Book 5)
Since you haven’t been offended by the last four installments of this #@!$%*-up Sci-Fi Military series, welcome back for a fifth helping of dry rub Puppis chicken! Hooah!

Once again we find Major Joachim Merlot has been ordered up by General Gallagher like a triple ice cream mocha latte. As hero of the Battle of the Meat Bowl, Merlot made a good impression with Gallagher, and as reward will be displayed to Earth Gov. as a symbol of bravery and heroism. Will fame and fortune pay off? As usual, things don’t work out, and Merlot will be running for his life. Or sleeping.

If you've read this far, please stop and buy the darn book! It's under a dollar, for Pete's sake!
release date: Jul 15, 2016
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Hook, Blind and Stinker (Eat Fish and Die Book 3)
Since you haven’t been offended by the last two installments of this #@!$%*-up Sci-Fi Military series, welcome back for a third helping of Martian Man-Grunter and cheesy doodles! Hooah!

While the interstellar war with the Kasago escalates like a monkey's weenie in a viagra testing lab, we find Major Joachim Merlot and his Battle Ready Android defending Earth against an alien race of stinking fishy creatures. This time Merlot is on a heavily fortified colony planet where everyone figured they were safer than a rectory shower room. As you may have guessed, their assumptions about being penetrated were a bit off course. Sort of like a blind chimp driving with a nine iron.

If you've read this far, please stop and buy the darn book! It's under a dollar, for Pete's sake!
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release date: Nov 16, 2014
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Into The Wazoo Of Death: Eat Fish And Die - Book 2
If you weren't completely offended by the last installment of this fakakta series, then get ready for another fish fry! Hooah!

As the interstellar war with the Kasago heats up like a Bengay-laminated jockstrap, we find Major Joachim Merlot and his battalion of Battle Ready Androids yet again defending Earth against an alien race of stinking fishy creatures. Unlike his last mission, his odds of making it back alive have improved -- sort of. As much as the military would prefer him dead, he's more valuable for a bogus court-martial. Is he guilty? Who cares! Hearing about Merlot's headlong charge straight up the enemy's wazoo is worth the price of admission.

If you've read this far, please stop and buy the darn book! It's under a dollar, for Pete's sake!
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release date: Jul 29, 2016
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Raising Mullah: Dr. Dimension Master of Spacetime

Dr. Demetrios Demopoulus and his gang of time traveling misfits are back, and this time they're trying really hard to keep the universe from going kaput. Or are they? Helping them stay alive is Erob, a robot who suffers from a split personality disorder. Service with a smile is not his strength, but if you need to threaten an unsuspecting humanoid or two, he's your man, er, robot.

Their mission, should they wish to accept it, is to travel back to 1950s Iran and flush out alien meddlers. Why Iran? Iran so far way? Let's just say it's a mystery involving the jingoistic machinations of oil producing nations, a certain foreign intelligence service, and a few inter-dimensional Sasquatch. Sound familiar? It should, it's based on a true story. Well, most of it, anyway.

Note: This novella is an extension of the Dr. Dimension series originally written by Charles DeChancie and David Bischoff. You don't need to listen to the first two novels before listening to this one, but the authors would sure appreciate it. It also proves you're a true mensch.

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release date: Feb 04, 2012
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Eat Fish And Die
Warning: This is not a paranormal urban fantasy romance.

Stuck on a small planetoid, we find Major Joachim Merlot. He’s the military equivalent of a street sweeper, defending Earth against an alien race of stinking fish-like creatures. Merlot isn’t interested in being any kind of hero -- he just wants to return home and see who won the office betting pool. His odds of making it back alive are only one in sixteen, but that doesn’t matter. He’s been issued a handy dandy Battle Ready Android with the fire power of an entire platoon. The only problem? He can’t let the android think too much. Too much thinking, you see, can upset it. And there’s the rub. Since everyone thinks most of the time, how can you figure out when it’s too much?
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