New Release Books by Jacob Sager Weinstein

The funny and empowering tale of a determined princess who takes matters into her own hands when a dragon ravages her kingdom and her royal parents are too preoccupied with frills and sparkles to help. The kingdom is under attack from a dragon, and the king and queen have emptied the royal coffers to buy sparkly things for the princess. But Princess Susan doesn''t want sparkly things! She wants to save the kingdom! So, with the help of an outspoken scullery maid and a loyal canine companion, she rolls up her sleeves and gets to work. As formidable as the dragon is, Princess Susan''s most daunting challenge may be convincing her parents to pay attention to what she wants and actually listen to her. Fortunately, the resourceful and entrepreneurial princess has a perfect (and delightfully unexpected) plan to ensure that everyone--even the dragon--lives happily ever after.

Grow Your Mind In the Blink Of An Eye

HOW TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING is the ultimate guide to unlocking the power of your brain! Kids will learn how to ace history tests by memorizing dates, feel confident about remembering people''s names, win card games by mastering entire decks, and hang on to happy memories for a lifetime. This invaluable memory guide for children is full of recall-building techniques, fun challenges, and hilarious art.

Join Hyacinth on a magical quest to save London in a uniquely hilarious and inventive fantasy adventure, the second in a trilogy. Hyacinth has just saved London, and possibly the world, from a magical conspiracy stretching back centuries. Not bad for a week of summer holiday. But why is her family linked to the ancient secrets of London? Hyacinth needs to find out, and when she discovers that Ancient Roman stones are being stolen from all around the city, it''s time for another adventure with the help of friends new and old, including Oaroboarus, a giant pig in a swimsuit. A fast-paced caper with a magical cast of characters including the dastardly Minnie Tickle whose skin is inscribed with powerful tattooes, a host of opinionated living stone sculptures, Hyacinth''s new neighbour Dasra (who may or may not be trustworthy) and the Corkers: a police force made entirely out of cork.

The hilarious second book in a middle-grade fantasy trilogy about the magical rivers that run through the sewers of London and shape history in ways you''d never learn in school. Magic is real. History is about to be squashed. Now that Hyacinth Hayward knows about the enchanted rivers under London, she''s determined to find out more. Unfortunately, London isn''t cooperating. Instead, Hyacinth stumbles on a new adversary--a girl who is trying to steal all the ancient stones that keep the city in balance. A girl with glowing, magical fingers, whose entire body is tattooed with spells. A girl called Minnie Tickle. (What? Were you expecting something more . . . fearsome?) To stop her, Hyacinth will need help from stone itself--specifically, a giant talking lion statue and his talking statue friends. Can this enthusiastic but scattered company defeat Minnie before London sinks like a stone?

A hilarious fantasy adventure set in modern day London. An exciting subterranean London adventure, the first in a middle-grade trilogy. Hyacinth Hayward has recently arrived from America and is having difficulty adjusting to her new surroundings, especially being in the sole company of her eccentric mother. Everything feels strange. Very strange. And it gets stranger the day she accidentally unleashes the power of a secret river running through London. To prevent a second Great Fire, Hyacinth needs to retrieve a single, magically charged drop of water from somewhere in the city sewer system. Along the way she encounters an eclectic cast of characters - the shambling, monstrous Saltpetre Men who kidnap her mother, the Toshers who battle for control of magical artefacts and a giant pig with whom she has a tea party. The clock is ticking - will she figure out who to trust?

The hilarious first book in a middle-grade fantasy trilogy about the magical rivers that run through the sewers of London and shape history in ways you''d never learn in school. Magic is real. History is a big, fat lie. Before Hyacinth Hayward moves from Illinois to London, she reads up on the city’s history. Too bad for her. Because the books are wrong. The truth is, London was built on magical rivers, and all the major events in its past have been about people trying to control the magic. Hyacinth discovers this when her mom is kidnapped. In the chase to get her back, Hyacinth encounters a giant intelligent pig in a bathing suit, a boy with amnesia, an adorable tosher (whatever that is), a sarcastic old lady, and a very sketchy unicorn. Somehow Hyacinth has to figure out who to trust, so she can save her mom and, oh yeah, not cause a second Great Fire of London.

This tongue-in-cheek parenting book is a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual parents have ever cringed over.

The comedic duo behind The Government Manual for New Superheroes is back, and this time they''ve brought their magic wands and enchanted artifacts. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a hilarious, mock-official handbook for wannabe witches and warlocks who need advice on recognizing the onset of wizardolescence, understanding the laws of magic (and the magic of laws), choosing (or being chosen by) the right magical items and enchanted artifacts, dealing with the dead (grateful and otherwise), successfully hosting magical exhibitions, and the proper care and feeding of magical creatures. Wands, charms, cloaks of invisibility, shoes of stealth (or sneakers), and other otherworldly accoutrements--it''s all here, discussed tongue-in-cheek but with the utmost Governmental authority. This entertaining guide offers such sage advice as: * A demon is just as afraid of you as you are of it--provided, of course, that you are eight feet tall, composed of living fire, and capable of destroying a small village with a single angry thought. Otherwise, it doesn''t find you frightening at all. * When selecting educational programs, do not be tempted by solicitations from wizardry parchment mills. A so-called degree from such a place is not worth the scroll on which it appears to be inscribed. The ink will disappear not long after the school itself does. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a sidesplitting spoof of all things wizard-y.

The government provides manuals for new home-owners and new motor vehicle operators, but what''s a new superhero to do? Ka-POW! The Government Manual for New Superheroes rushes in to save the day! The Government Manual for New Superheroes is a hilarious, mock-official handbook that offers thorough, accessible, and completely zany advice for anyone who has always dreamed of donning a skintight spandex uniform and leaping across the rooftops of their cities. Going well beyond tights and capes, this manual provides insight into choosing a name, constructing a costume, choosing the right supertools of the supertrade, establishing a base of operations, maintaining a secret identity, taking or becoming a sidekick, joining a superheroic team, and even finding that special someone who gives meaning to a superhero''s life--a nemesis. Extra features include a roster of superhero unions, a registration application, several useful charts and tips, and even a list of other government-sponsored periodicals for further reading. Destined to become a cult classic, The Government Manual for New Superheroes is an essential guide for every aspiring superhero.

There be no callin'' ''dibs'' in piratin''. Booty be divided among the crew, from the lowest deckswabber to the highest masthand. So says the Pirate Code." --Calico Jack Rackham, king of the pirates * Coinciding with the release of the final installment of Pirates of the Caribbean comes a witty mock-official handbook for potential pirates and plunderers. Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein continue to spoof those uber-utilitarian survival and how-to guides by offering this pithy pirating primer for budding buccaneers. This treasure trove of Pirate Code imparts wisdom on eye patches and tricorner hats, talking the talk, walking the walk (down the plank, that is), appropriate ship names, dueling, avoiding cursed treasure, and much more.