New Releases by Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER * WALL STREET JOURNAL BESTSELLER *WASHINGTON POST BESTSELLER * Andy Borowitz, “one of the funniest people in America” (CBS Sunday Morning), brilliantly “chronicles our embrace of anti-intellectualism” (Walter Isaacson) in American politics, from Ronald Reagan to Dan Quayle, from George W. Bush to Sarah Palin, to its apotheosis in Donald J. Trump. Andy Borowitz has been called a “Swiftian satirist” (The Wall Street Journal) and “one of the country’s finest satirists” (The New York Times). Millions of fans and New Yorker readers enjoy his satirical news column “The Borowitz Report.” Now, in Profiles in Ignorance, he delivers “a wittily alarming polemic that tracks the evolution of American politics from grounds for gravitas to festival of idiocy” (The New York Times). Borowitz argues that over the past fifty years, American politicians have grown increasingly allergic to knowledge, and mass media have encouraged the election of ignoramuses by elevating candidates who are better at performing than thinking. Starting with Ronald Reagan’s first campaign for governor of California in 1966 and culminating with the election of Donald J. Trump to the White House, Borowitz shows how, during the age of twenty-four-hour news and social media, the US has elected politicians to positions of great power whose lack of the most basic information is terrifying. In addition to Reagan, Quayle, Bush, Palin, and Trump, Borowitz covers a host of congresspersons, senators, and governors who have helped lower the bar over the past five decades. Profiles in Ignorance aims to make us both laugh and cry: laugh at the idiotic antics of these public figures, and cry at the cataclysms these icons of ignorance have caused. But most importantly, the book delivers a call to action and a cause for optimism: History doesn’t move in a straight line, and we can change course if we act now.

Prepare to be shocked. From the man The Wall Street Journal hailed as a "Swiftean satirist" comes the most shocking book ever written! The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers, by award-winning fake journalist Andy Borowitz, contains page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too -- yes, shocking -- for the mainstream press to handle. Sample the groundbreaking reporting from the news organization whose motto is "Give us thirty minutes -- we''ll waste it."

Attention, CEOs: Finally, a book you don''t have to cook! If you''re a CEO who''s just been caught, this is the book you won''t want to be caught without. Who Moved My Soap? The CEO''s Guide to Surviving in Prison is loaded with helpful tips, including: • How to go from "bitch" to "boss" in one week or less • The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Prisoners • Complete prison-slang/corporate-speak glossary • Prison cell feng shui • How to avoid getting back-stabbed -- literally • The Zagat guide to fine prison dining

Scandals. Lies. A breathtaking disregard for federal laws. How on earth do the Republicans keep winning Easy: They''ve got a Playbook After the 2004 presidential debates, eagle-eyed observers hypothesized about the rectangular bulge tucked inside George W.''s suit jacket, visible in images shown around the world. Was it a radio receiver, allowing Karl Rove to feed the president complete sentences hed never form on his own Perhaps it was a remote-control device that enabled Dick Cheney to operate W. like a robot. Nah. The real explanation was much simpler, and yet far more disturbing: It was The Republican Playbook. Required reading for every Republican candidate, office-holder, or super-secret covert operative, The Republican Playbook contains all the schemes, scams, and dirty tricks used to attain victory since Richard Nixon commissioned the first edition back in 1972. Did you know: -President Gerald Ford''s notorious clumsiness wasnt caused by an inner-ear disorder -- the Playbook stashed in his left rear pants pocket threw off his equilibrium. -A chapter entitled "Deny Knowing Anything About Anything" was particularly helpful to President Ronald Reagan. Packed with detailed instructions on essential topics like how to run a smear campaign, how to cover a leak, and how to plant one, plus diagrams for fully functioning voting booth/ballot shredders (to be used in Florida, Ohio, and other battleground states), The Republican Playbook is a must-read if were ever going to survive the 2006 elections.

THE TERMINATOR''S TERM, TOTALLY RECALLED! The real story of Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger''s first one hundred days in office comes to life in vivid two-color photographs and completely fictitious captions. Governor Arnold tells the story of Schwarzenegger''s historic first days in office, in pictures that are evocative, dramatic, and sometimes truly frightening -- especially the ones in which he is wearing no shirt. New Yorker humorist Andy Borowitz, creator of the award-winning website BorowitzReport.com, travels to Sacramento for an up-close, exclusive look at a man with a mission: to reshape California in his own monstrous, bulging-veined image. It''s a book for history buffs...about the buffest man in history! Governor Arnold is guaranteed to make the Governator stop groping women...and start groping for superlatives!

Dear flappable reader: Do you bristle at a handshake that resembles a limp fish? Do oblivious pedestrians bring you to the brink? What about museum gift shops, superfluous courtesy (do we need a gas pump to show us gratitude?), behemoth SUVS, or inexplicable operating manuals? Have you had it with screeching leaf blowers, beseeching telemarketers, escalating movie-ticket prices, or proliferating celebrity magazines? Is it children''s choirs or karaoke singers, waiters bearing pepper grinders or dinner guests blathering on about salt, that drives you to distraction? For anyone who has recognized that this peaceful kingdom of ours has more than a few potholes, 101 Damnations is the perfect companion. It''s your ticket to the nine circles of personal hell. Armed with wit, bewilderment, and words to the wise ass, today''s leading humorists conduct a brief tour of the trivial and often universal exasperations we all must endure. Among the damning, Henry Alford reveals our wanton desire to affect Britishisms. Sandra Tsing Loh has it in for people who forward "funny" e-mails. Once and for all, Merrill Markoe sets forth cell phone etiquette. And there are many, many others. Ninety-eight to be exact. Make yourself comfortable. Misery loves company.

When Getting Rich Quick Just Isn''t Fast Enough!Many day trading books on the market today contain dubious advice, but never before has there been a book guaranteed to contain 100 percent dubious advice--until now. The Trillionaire Next Door is that book. Inside you''ll find: The rock-solid, scientific principles of day trading explained in language so clear and concise it''s almost insulting A glossary of key economic terms for the day trader, like "mousepad" and "click" Advice for the long-term investor: which stocks to hold in your portfolio for five, ten, fifteen minutes or more Confusing, meaningless graphs and charts Bad math And much, much more--but since day traders have short attention spans, not too much more "If The Trillionaire Next Door were a stock, I''d buy it, sell it, buy it, sell it, and buy it again--it''s that good!" --Stacy Gellman, day trader

A book for everyone who''s ever cheated just a little bit at golf or gone to a party instead of visiting a sick friend, "The Mink Was Already Dead" offers dozens of perfect rationalizations for behavior that ranges from the thoughtless to the boorish.