New Releases by Benny Haggis-on-Whey

The fifth volume in the ludicrously misinformative HOW Series. For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their way into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who should at all costs be denied access to pens and pencils. Sadly, with the publication of this, the fifth volume in a proposed series of 377 reference books, that day has come. Children and the Tundra is actually two books in one, as Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey, due to space constraints, is forced to explain both the concept of children—a species she doesn’t trust for a second—and the tundra, in one book. She is, as always, joined in her crusade of lies by her husband, Benny, who is mostly useless.

In Your Disgusting Head, Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey reveal—through newly discovered discoveries—all the ways in which your head disappoints you. For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar-pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books, filled with ludicrous misinformation and aimed at children. Well, we offer you Your Disgusting Head by Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand. The human body is beautiful and mysterious. The mysterious part reeks of cheese. But no part of your body is as scary and horrifying as your head! In Your Disgusting Head, you’ll find amazing information, such as: · The ear was invented and designed by Feranando de la Mancini Goldfarb, in 1911, which was also a good year for yeast. · Good Reasons for teeth removal: dentist did it; peer pressure; not sharp enough; found better teeth, like, on the ground; suspected of enjoying flossing; decay and mouth politics. · The real reason your ears can''t hear your pets talking. The answer is simple: your pet is a mumbler." With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney''s is known, comes the second volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, Your Disgusting Head will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you.

English miscellaneous writings.