Best Selling Books by Simon Haynes

Ken reluctantly gives up his lawn-mowing duties for a weekend of fishing, boozing and male bonding with his best mate Steve. Unfortunately, the fish aren''t biting, supplies are running low, and worst of all ... the beer just ran out. Just when things appear to be at their lowest ebb, an alien colony ship arrives in orbit, and that''s when Ken''s problems REALLY start. A free science fiction comedy short story by Simon Haynes Keywords: comedy books free in english, funny books for free, alien books free, free humor books, first encounter

When Ralph Swindon tinkers in his workshop, the whole world holds its breath. A 2500 word short story. Keywords: funny books free, funny books for free, free sci fi books to read and download, mad scientist, scientists and their inventions free books, scientist book free, comedy books free in english

Flat broke and stranded in a foreign country, Ralph Gardiner is nursing a beer and contemplating the wreckage of his life. He has no money, no prospects, and worst of all ... the beer is warm. When a local businessman approaches him with an intriguing offer, Ralph decides he has nothing to lose. He''s wrong. A Piece of the Action is a gripping thriller with science fiction and horror overtones. A short story set in Latin America from the author of the Hal Spacejock science fiction series. Keywords: Free science fiction story, free scifi short, free ebook, free thriller science fiction

After messing up a live fire exercise, Sam Willet is hauled before the squadron leader for punishment. Her career as a fighter pilot appears to be over before it really began. Then, without warning, the enemy launches a major attack. Against this overwhelming force, every pilot is needed... Sam included. Now is her chance to redeem herself. Now is her chance to fight back. But the enemy''s ambitions go far beyond the destruction of a second-string training base. If their bold plan succeeds, it could change the entire course of the war.

After a cosy meal, our protagonist retires to his host''s workshop for an after-dinner drink ... and becomes the unwitting subject of an experiment. If you like a humorous mad scientist tale, you''ll love this one. A free science fiction short story by Simon Haynes. Winner of the Aurealis Award, Australia''s premier speculative fiction award.

What happens when you''re worth more dead than alive? A decorated fighter pilot is lost in combat, and his death is used to inspire waves of fresh recruits. Recruits desperately needed to fight in the long-running war. Sam Willet is one such recruit, but she''s different. Different because the missing hero is her brother, and Sam has questions. Questions nobody wants asked. Questions that will probably get her killed.

After delays and last-minute setbacks, the first colony ship leaves planet Earth for a distant star. Join the crew as they discover all is not as it seems...

Planet Dismolle is supposed to be a peaceful haven. So what''s with all the gunfire? A criminal gang has moved into Chirless, Dismolle''s second major city. Elderly residents are fed up with the loud music, noisy cars and late night parties, not to mention hold-ups, muggings and the occasional gunfight. Chirless has no Peace Force, so Harriet Walsh of the Dismolle City branch has to help out. That puts her up against a gang of hardened criminals with only her training pistol and a few old allies to lend a hand. And these allies aren''t just old, they''re positively ancient!

Contains a dozen short stories by Simon Haynes.

Did you bring the salt? A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It''s elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they''ve been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it''s their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who''d rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This is the first novel in a humorous fantasy trilogy. Each book continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three. They''re not stand-alones! Also available: an omnibus edition containing all three titles, and an audiobook edition of the whole trilogy. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book one in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, medieval humour, wizard humor, robot books

Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He''s still there, and now he has a fresh batch of problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and then save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is desperate to find out what makes him tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And finally, our robot hero must foil an invasion by two foreign navies and prevent five kingdoms from starting an all-out war. If only those vengeful dragons, gigantic sea serpents and a cadre of drunken dwarves weren''t determined to make his life even more difficult! A Butt of Heads is book two in the Robot vs Dragons trilogy. A Portion of Dragon and Chips is book one, and it must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book two in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, naval warfare, sailing ship battles

Strange new planets, ancient civilisations, teleporters, killer robots, super computers, jet bikes and subterfuge galore! Hal Spacejock’s cargo business is going so well he’s considering getting into passengers ... especially the beautiful and mysterious Sonya Polarov. Meanwhile, Rex Curtis runs the galaxy’s biggest freight company, and he’s sick of independent pilots stealing his cargo jobs. He’s determined to make a statement by destroying the biggest nuisance of them all: Hal Spacejock. And all he has to do is ensure Hal’s latest cargo job ends in disaster. Unaware of the threat and distracted by Sonya, Hal’s time-sensitive cargo sits aboard his ship while the deadline looms ever closer. If he doesn’t get a move on, the late fees will ruin him ... and cost him his life into the bargain. Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Second Course is the second novel in the Hal Spacejock series. This title is also available in Omnibus One, a collection of the first three Hal Spacejock novels. That''s usually a better deal than buying the books individually. Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They''re not sequels, they don''t end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it''s not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords: sci fi book, sci fi books, lost civilization, alien teleporter network, lost city, space books, robot books

A wealthy patron is sponsoring a series of art exhibitions, and Hal Spacejock has been employed to transport the valuable pieces from one venue to the next. The only question is which of them will last longest ... Hal or the artworks? Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Safe Art is the sixth novel in the Hal Spacejock series. The next, Big Bang, is also available. Also available in Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two, along with books four and six in the series. This is usually the cheapest way to pick up all three novels. Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They''re not sequels, they don''t end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it''s not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords: scifi humor series

A cunning rival determined to ruin Hal''s business, a Peace Force officer facing a dangerous investigation and a planet with more bugs than a new operating system ... When Hal and Clunk set out to make a fresh start, this wasn''t exactly what they had in mind. Now Hal must choose: take on the rival to save his own business, or help the officer with her first - and possibly last - investigation? Whatever he decides, it''s No Free Lunch for Hal Spacejock! Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, No Free Lunch is the fourth novel in the Hal Spacejock series. Book five, Baker''s Dough, is also available. Winner, Western Australian Science Fiction Foundation Award, 2008 One of five finalists in the 2008 Aurealis Awards Australia''s Premier Speculative Fiction award One of six finalists in the 2008 Ditmar Awards Also available in Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two, along with books five and six in the series. This is usually the cheapest way to pick up all three novels. Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They''re not sequels, they don''t end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it''s not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords:comedy scifi with robots

Hal and Clunk answer a distress call, and they discover a fellow pilot stranded deep inside an asteroid field. Clunk is busy at the controls, dodging incoming rocks, so Hal dons a spacesuit, takes the jetbike and sets off on a heroic rescue mission. If he''d only known the trouble he was getting himself into, he wouldn''t have bothered... These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords: scific, british scifi, funny science fiction novel, science fiction action adventure humor, science fiction comedy adventure, robot books, robots and empire, Galactic Empires, hhgttg

Space Station Oberon is on high alert, because a comet is about to whizz past. All the scientists are preparing for the exciting event, and all the kids are planning on watching. All the kids except Hal Junior, who''s been given detention. Unfortunately the comet passes a whole lot closer than expected. Fortunately nobody is hurt, but the kids are trapped in one half, the adults in the other. Never mind. They have air and supplies, and they can all sit tight and wait for rescue. Or can they? The scientists discover Space Station Oberon is now falling towards Gyris, faster and faster, and it''s going to crash into the planet long before anyone can be rescued! Now it''s up to Hal Junior and his friends. Not only do they have to save themselves, they''ve also got to save all the scientists and the space station! But how? ufeffKeywords: funny books for boys 9-12, kids books for age 9 and up, scifi for kids, children''s sci fi

Bored with on-time deliveries? Want your valuable cargo strewn across the nearest planet? Call Hal Space jock! Partial deliveries, non-arrivals and total write-offs a specialty. An incompetent, accident-prone pilot is given one last chance to save his ship. An ageing robot is trusted with a midnight landing in a deserted field. And a desperate b...

It''s crunch time in the Old Kingdom! Our mild-mannered hero, the junky old robot, has a new ally. He''s sure they''ve met before, but he can''t quite put his finger on it. Actually, he can''t quite put his finger on anything. Heads of state are dropping like flies, thanks to a series of improbable accidents, and war clouds are rolling in. The elves are building siege engines, human kingdoms are raising their armies, and the dwarves are nursing hangovers. And even if the robot manages to pour lubricating oil on those troubled waters, he still has to find his way home! This is the third and final part of the Dragon and Chips Trilogy. Books one and two must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book three in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels