Best Selling Books by Simon Haynes

After messing up a live fire exercise, Sam Willet is hauled before the squadron leader for punishment. Her career as a fighter pilot appears to be over before it really began. Then, without warning, the enemy launches a major attack. Against this overwhelming force, every pilot is needed... Sam included. Now is her chance to redeem herself. Now is her chance to fight back. But the enemy''s ambitions go far beyond the destruction of a second-string training base. If their bold plan succeeds, it could change the entire course of the war.

Ken reluctantly gives up his lawn-mowing duties for a weekend of fishing, boozing and male bonding with his best mate Steve. Unfortunately, the fish aren''t biting, supplies are running low, and worst of all ... the beer just ran out. Just when things appear to be at their lowest ebb, an alien colony ship arrives in orbit, and that''s when Ken''s problems REALLY start. A free science fiction comedy short story by Simon Haynes Keywords: comedy books free in english, funny books for free, alien books free, free humor books, first encounter

While three old friends set off to play golf, an alien fleet decides to invade the wrong hole ... A free humorous science fiction story by Simon Haynes, author of the Hal Spacejock comedy scifi series. Keywords: funny golf story, alien invasion, scifi comedy, humorous scifi, free short story, comedy science fiction, free ebook, free golf books, golf free

What happens when you''re worth more dead than alive? A decorated fighter pilot is lost in combat, and his death is used to inspire waves of fresh recruits. Recruits desperately needed to fight in the long-running war. Sam Willet is one such recruit, but she''s different. Different because the missing hero is her brother, and Sam has questions. Questions nobody wants asked. Questions that will probably get her killed.

Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He''s still there, and now he has a fresh batch of problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and then save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is desperate to find out what makes him tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And finally, our robot hero must foil an invasion by two foreign navies and prevent five kingdoms from starting an all-out war. If only those vengeful dragons, gigantic sea serpents and a cadre of drunken dwarves weren''t determined to make his life even more difficult! A Butt of Heads is book two in the Robot vs Dragons trilogy. A Portion of Dragon and Chips is book one, and it must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book two in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, naval warfare, sailing ship battles

When Ralph Swindon tinkers in his workshop, the whole world holds its breath. A 2500 word short story. Keywords: funny books free, funny books for free, free sci fi books to read and download, mad scientist, scientists and their inventions free books, scientist book free, comedy books free in english

Flat broke and stranded in a foreign country, Ralph Gardiner is nursing a beer and contemplating the wreckage of his life. He has no money, no prospects, and worst of all ... the beer is warm. When a local businessman approaches him with an intriguing offer, Ralph decides he has nothing to lose. He''s wrong. A Piece of the Action is a gripping thriller with science fiction and horror overtones. A short story set in Latin America from the author of the Hal Spacejock science fiction series. Keywords: Free science fiction story, free scifi short, free ebook, free thriller science fiction

Social services call on ten-year-old Daniel, intending to take him away from his home and his mother. Danny has other ideas. A gripping science fiction tale with a twist!

After a cosy meal, our protagonist retires to his host''s workshop for an after-dinner drink ... and becomes the unwitting subject of an experiment. If you like a humorous mad scientist tale, you''ll love this one. A free science fiction short story by Simon Haynes. Winner of the Aurealis Award, Australia''s premier speculative fiction award.

It''s crunch time in the Old Kingdom! Our mild-mannered hero, the junky old robot, has a new ally. He''s sure they''ve met before, but he can''t quite put his finger on it. Actually, he can''t quite put his finger on anything. Heads of state are dropping like flies, thanks to a series of improbable accidents, and war clouds are rolling in. The elves are building siege engines, human kingdoms are raising their armies, and the dwarves are nursing hangovers. And even if the robot manages to pour lubricating oil on those troubled waters, he still has to find his way home! This is the third and final part of the Dragon and Chips Trilogy. Books one and two must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book three in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels

In Thonn''s world, Magick has been banned by politicians: corrupt, twisted and evil ... and the Magick wasn''t much of a boon either. So, imagine Thonn''s surprise when he spies Eddie de Elder attempting Magick spells on the sly! Of course, Magick can''t be handled by just anyone, but Thonn is a simple farm boy, and as we all know, they''re the ones with the hidden talents ... A humorous fantasy story featuring forbidden magic.

A mysterious sealed crate, a pair of shady mercenaries with more guns than brain cells and the amnesiac robot which may or may not be on a secret mission ... Only interstellar ignoramus Hal Spacejock and the unflappable Clunk could turn a straightforward cargo delivery into space opera with clowns. Three simmering planets, two cocky spacemen and one huge mess: Just Desserts, for your pleasure.

Contains a dozen short stories by Simon Haynes.

Planet Dismolle is supposed to be a peaceful haven. So what''s with all the gunfire? A criminal gang has moved into Chirless, Dismolle''s second major city. Elderly residents are fed up with the loud music, noisy cars and late night parties, not to mention hold-ups, muggings and the occasional gunfight. Chirless has no Peace Force, so Harriet Walsh of the Dismolle City branch has to help out. That puts her up against a gang of hardened criminals with only her training pistol and a few old allies to lend a hand. And these allies aren''t just old, they''re positively ancient!

After delays and last-minute setbacks, the first colony ship leaves planet Earth for a distant star. Join the crew as they discover all is not as it seems...

A wealthy patron is sponsoring a series of art exhibitions, and Hal Spacejock has been employed to transport the valuable pieces from one venue to the next. The only question is which of them will last longest ... Hal or the artworks? Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Safe Art is the sixth novel in the Hal Spacejock series. The next, Big Bang, is also available. Also available in Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two, along with books four and six in the series. This is usually the cheapest way to pick up all three novels. Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They''re not sequels, they don''t end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it''s not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords: scifi humor series

Hal and Clunk answer a distress call, and they discover a fellow pilot stranded deep inside an asteroid field. Clunk is busy at the controls, dodging incoming rocks, so Hal dons a spacesuit, takes the jetbike and sets off on a heroic rescue mission. If he''d only known the trouble he was getting himself into, he wouldn''t have bothered... These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords: scific, british scifi, funny science fiction novel, science fiction action adventure humor, science fiction comedy adventure, robot books, robots and empire, Galactic Empires, hhgttg

Do any of these sound familiar? • You want to write your first novel, but you don''t know how to begin. • You''ve started writing several novels, but you never finish them. • You''ve written a novel or two, but you want to increase your output and publish more often. If you answered yes to any of the above, this book might just be what you''re looking for! I''m Simon Haynes, and I''ve been writing and publishing novels and short fiction for almost twenty years. This guide contains everything I''ve learned about writing a novel, both as an indie and as a trade-published author. Maybe you want to write a novel which has been on your mind for years. You don''t care how long it takes, you just want to see it through to the end. Or maybe you see yourself as a career novelist - there''s a real challenge - and you want to write books quickly and efficiently. I''ve done both, and I cover both approaches in How to Write a Novel. Keywords: How to Write a Book ASAP, How to Write a Book, How to Write a novel, writing books, writing a novel, How to write a E book ?, fiction writing, write a novel quickly

For the first time, get all three Harriet Walsh novels in one volume! All the Harriet Walsh novels are set in the distant future, where the galaxy has been colonised and human-like robots are commonplace. They''re good clean fun, written with wry humor. PEACE FORCE Would you work for a deranged robot? Harriet Walsh does! Harriet''s weapon won''t fire without the right paperwork, the patrol car is driving her up the wall, and her crime-fighting computer doesn''t even have solitaire. Welcome to the Peace Force! ALPHA MINOR The Peace Force has a new recruit, and she''s driving everyone crazy. From disobeying orders to handling unauthorised cases, nothing is off-limits. Worse, Harriet Walsh is forced to team up with the newbie, because the recruit''s shady past has just caught up with her. Meanwhile, a dignitary wants to complain about rogue officers working out of the station. She insists on meeting the station''s commanding officer ... and they don''t have one. All up, it''s another typical day in the Peace Force! SIERRA BRAVO Planet Dismolle is supposed to be a peaceful haven. So what''s with all the gunfire? A criminal gang has moved into Chirless, Dismolle''s second major city. Elderly residents are fed up with the loud music, noisy cars and late night parties, not to mention hold-ups, muggings and the occasional gunfight. Chirless has no Peace Force, so Harriet Walsh of the Dismolle City branch has to help out. That puts her up against a gang of hardened criminals with only her training pistol and a few old allies to lend a hand. And these allies aren''t just old, they''re positively ancient! Keywords: sci fi police, future police, sci fi with strong female protagonist, sci fi crime book, female sci fi, robot books, police robot, robot science fiction, flying cars, society of the future, sci fi policing

This special release contains the first three books in the Hal Spacejock series, plus a special bonus story (Hal Spacejock Visit).