New Releases by Simon Haynes

First a dead body shows up on Harriet''s favourite beach. Then she discovers the whole place is going to be bulldozed for an apartment complex. She''s convinced the two are connected, but she''ll have to untangle a web of lies and corruption to reach the truth. Meanwhile, someone has decided that the best way to avoid discovery is to silence Harriet... for good!

Get the Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single, huge volume. Three novels in one! A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It''s elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they''ve been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it''s their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who''d rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This single volume includes A Portion of Dragon and Chips, A Butt of Heads and A Pair of Nuts on the Thone. Get it now! Swearing: minorViolence: moderateSex: none/offscreen mentions

What happens when you''re worth more dead than alive? A decorated fighter pilot is lost in combat, and his death is used to inspire waves of fresh recruits. Recruits desperately needed to fight in the long-running war. Sam Willet is one such recruit, but she''s different. Different because the missing hero is her brother, and Sam has questions. Questions nobody wants asked. Questions that will probably get her killed.

Hal and Clunk answer a distress call, and they discover a fellow pilot stranded deep inside an asteroid field. Clunk is busy at the controls, dodging incoming rocks, so Hal dons a spacesuit, takes the jetbike and sets off on a heroic rescue mission. If he''d only known the trouble he was getting himself into, he wouldn''t have bothered... These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords: scific, british scifi, funny science fiction novel, science fiction action adventure humor, science fiction comedy adventure, robot books, robots and empire, Galactic Empires, hhgttg

It''s crunch time in the Old Kingdom! Our mild-mannered hero, the junky old robot, has a new ally. He''s sure they''ve met before, but he can''t quite put his finger on it. Actually, he can''t quite put his finger on anything. Heads of state are dropping like flies, thanks to a series of improbable accidents, and war clouds are rolling in. The elves are building siege engines, human kingdoms are raising their armies, and the dwarves are nursing hangovers. And even if the robot manages to pour lubricating oil on those troubled waters, he still has to find his way home! This is the third and final part of the Dragon and Chips Trilogy. Books one and two must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book three in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels

Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He''s still there, and now he has a fresh batch of problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and then save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is desperate to find out what makes him tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And finally, our robot hero must foil an invasion by two foreign navies and prevent five kingdoms from starting an all-out war. If only those vengeful dragons, gigantic sea serpents and a cadre of drunken dwarves weren''t determined to make his life even more difficult! A Butt of Heads is book two in the Robot vs Dragons trilogy. A Portion of Dragon and Chips is book one, and it must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book two in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, naval warfare, sailing ship battles

Ken reluctantly gives up his lawn-mowing duties for a weekend of fishing, boozing and male bonding with his best mate Steve. Unfortunately, the fish aren''t biting, supplies are running low, and worst of all ... the beer just ran out. Just when things appear to be at their lowest ebb, an alien colony ship arrives in orbit, and that''s when Ken''s problems REALLY start. A free science fiction comedy short story by Simon Haynes Keywords: comedy books free in english, funny books for free, alien books free, free humor books, first encounter

While three old friends set off to play golf, an alien fleet decides to invade the wrong hole ... A free humorous science fiction story by Simon Haynes, author of the Hal Spacejock comedy scifi series. Keywords: funny golf story, alien invasion, scifi comedy, humorous scifi, free short story, comedy science fiction, free ebook, free golf books, golf free

Social services call on ten-year-old Daniel, intending to take him away from his home and his mother. Danny has other ideas. A gripping science fiction tale with a twist!

In Thonn''s world, Magick has been banned by politicians: corrupt, twisted and evil ... and the Magick wasn''t much of a boon either. So, imagine Thonn''s surprise when he spies Eddie de Elder attempting Magick spells on the sly! Of course, Magick can''t be handled by just anyone, but Thonn is a simple farm boy, and as we all know, they''re the ones with the hidden talents ... A humorous fantasy story featuring forbidden magic.

Contains a dozen short stories by Simon Haynes.

For the first time, get all three Harriet Walsh novels in one volume! All the Harriet Walsh novels are set in the distant future, where the galaxy has been colonised and human-like robots are commonplace. They''re good clean fun, written with wry humor. PEACE FORCE Would you work for a deranged robot? Harriet Walsh does! Harriet''s weapon won''t fire without the right paperwork, the patrol car is driving her up the wall, and her crime-fighting computer doesn''t even have solitaire. Welcome to the Peace Force! ALPHA MINOR The Peace Force has a new recruit, and she''s driving everyone crazy. From disobeying orders to handling unauthorised cases, nothing is off-limits. Worse, Harriet Walsh is forced to team up with the newbie, because the recruit''s shady past has just caught up with her. Meanwhile, a dignitary wants to complain about rogue officers working out of the station. She insists on meeting the station''s commanding officer ... and they don''t have one. All up, it''s another typical day in the Peace Force! SIERRA BRAVO Planet Dismolle is supposed to be a peaceful haven. So what''s with all the gunfire? A criminal gang has moved into Chirless, Dismolle''s second major city. Elderly residents are fed up with the loud music, noisy cars and late night parties, not to mention hold-ups, muggings and the occasional gunfight. Chirless has no Peace Force, so Harriet Walsh of the Dismolle City branch has to help out. That puts her up against a gang of hardened criminals with only her training pistol and a few old allies to lend a hand. And these allies aren''t just old, they''re positively ancient! Keywords: sci fi police, future police, sci fi with strong female protagonist, sci fi crime book, female sci fi, robot books, police robot, robot science fiction, flying cars, society of the future, sci fi policing

Planet Dismolle is supposed to be a peaceful haven. So what''s with all the gunfire? A criminal gang has moved into Chirless, Dismolle''s second major city. Elderly residents are fed up with the loud music, noisy cars and late night parties, not to mention hold-ups, muggings and the occasional gunfight. Chirless has no Peace Force, so Harriet Walsh of the Dismolle City branch has to help out. That puts her up against a gang of hardened criminals with only her training pistol and a few old allies to lend a hand. And these allies aren''t just old, they''re positively ancient!

Do any of these sound familiar? • You want to write your first novel, but you don''t know how to begin. • You''ve started writing several novels, but you never finish them. • You''ve written a novel or two, but you want to increase your output and publish more often. If you answered yes to any of the above, this book might just be what you''re looking for! I''m Simon Haynes, and I''ve been writing and publishing novels and short fiction for almost twenty years. This guide contains everything I''ve learned about writing a novel, both as an indie and as a trade-published author. Maybe you want to write a novel which has been on your mind for years. You don''t care how long it takes, you just want to see it through to the end. Or maybe you see yourself as a career novelist - there''s a real challenge - and you want to write books quickly and efficiently. I''ve done both, and I cover both approaches in How to Write a Novel. Keywords: How to Write a Book ASAP, How to Write a Book, How to Write a novel, writing books, writing a novel, How to write a E book ?, fiction writing, write a novel quickly

After a cosy meal, our protagonist retires to his host''s workshop for an after-dinner drink ... and becomes the unwitting subject of an experiment. If you like a humorous mad scientist tale, you''ll love this one. A free science fiction short story by Simon Haynes. Winner of the Aurealis Award, Australia''s premier speculative fiction award.

Would you work for a deranged robot? Harriet Walsh does! Her weapon won''t fire without the right paperwork, the patrol car is driving her up the wall, and her crime-fighting computer doesn''t even have solitaire. Welcome to the Peace Force ... Peace Force is set in the distant future, where the galaxy has been colonised and human-like robots are commonplace. It''s good clean fun, written with wry humor. The Harriet Walsh Series Harriet Walsh 1: Peace Force Harriet Walsh 2: Alpha Minor Harriet Walsh 3: Sierra Bravo Keywords: sci fi police, future police, sci fi with strong female protagonist, sci fi crime book, female sci fi, robot books, police robot, robot science fiction, flying cars, society of the future, sci fi policing

Hal Spacejock lands on planet Alteia, where he''s so distracted by his own problems that he forgets to collect Clunk from the luggage rack. Not to worry, because a couple of old friends free Clunk from the spaceport ... only to reveal a great big ulterior motive: they want him to join their gang ... er, group. Meanwhile, Hal''s remembered his trusty co-pilot at last ... but only because everyone''s trying to kill him, and Clunk is big and metal and bulletproof-ish. Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Double Trouble is the eighth novel in the Hal Spacejock series. Book nine, Max Damage, is currently in progress. Keywords: british scifi Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They''re not sequels, they don''t end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it''s not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf.

Hal Spacejock dons a flash suit, hypershades and a curly earpiece for a stint as a secret agent, while Clunk is invited to a ''unique business opportunity'' by a pair of his most rusted friends. Inevitably, things turn sour, and it''s all hands to the pumps as the good ship Spacejock springs leaks from stem to stern.

This special release contains books 4, 5 and 6 in the Hal Spacejock series, plus a special bonus story (Hal Spacejock Framed).

A beautiful and mysterious female passenger, a loony inventor with a basement full of deadly weapons, and a dangerous run-down teleporter built by a long-lost alien civilization these are just some of the challenges facing Hal Spacejock and his longsuffering metal sidekick Clunk as they fight for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. Hal Spacejock: Second Course serves a piping hot dish of interplanetary chaos stuffed with laughs and loaded with action.

A wealthy patron is sponsoring a series of art exhibitions, and Hal Spacejock has been employed to transport the valuable pieces from one venue to the next. The only question is which of them will last longest ... Hal or the artworks? Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Safe Art is the sixth novel in the Hal Spacejock series. The next, Big Bang, is also available. Also available in Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two, along with books four and six in the series. This is usually the cheapest way to pick up all three novels. Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They''re not sequels, they don''t end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it''s not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords: scifi humor series

Hal and Clunk have landed a nice simple job: deliver a collection of prized artworks to an exhibition. Unfortunately, their client isn''t the only person with a keep interest in art, and it''s not long before the mismatched duo are up to their necks in trouble. [from back cover].

This special release contains the first three books in the Hal Spacejock series, plus a special bonus story (Hal Spacejock Visit).

A broken-down fugitive with nothing to lose, an arms dealer hiding a deadly secret and an elderly robot set to inherit a vast fortune ... it''s a typical cargo job for freighter pilot Hal Spacejock and his offsider, Clunk. Baker''s Dough features intense rivalry, sublime double-crosses and more greed than a free buffet.

A broken-down fugitive with nothing to lose, an arms dealer hiding a deadly secret and an elderly robot set to inherit a vast fortune ... it''s a typical cargo job for freighter pilot Hal Spacejock and his offsider, Clunk.Baker''s Dough features intense rivalry, sublime double-crosses and more greed than a free buffet.

A straightforward cargo delivery takes a left turn when Hal Spacejock gets sidetracked. But with 200 shares in a worthless company on offer, who wouldn''t step into a makeshift teleporter which has already claimed one victim? Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this brand new 8000-word short story. ''Framed'' slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock Second Course, but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone. Kurt took up his position in front of the robot, while Hal took up his position behind a large rock twenty metres away. With shaking fingers, Kurt reached for the cap on Clunk''s head. Meanwhile, Hal''s fingers were in his ears and his eyes were screwed shut. "It''s okay," said Kurt. "It''s just a solar panel." "Attached to what?" "His brain, I think." "Oh wonderful," muttered Hal. "He''ll be thinking and talking and arguing, and he still won''t be able to do anything useful."

A mysterious sealed crate, a pair of shady mercenaries with more guns than brain cells and the amnesiac robot which may or may not be on a secret mission ... Only interstellar ignoramus Hal Spacejock and the unflappable Clunk could turn a straightforward cargo delivery into space opera with clowns. Three simmering planets, two cocky spacemen and one huge mess: Just Desserts, for your pleasure.

A cunning rival determined to ruin Hal''s business, a Peace Force officer facing a dangerous investigation and a planet with more bugs than a new operating system ... When Hal and Clunk set out to make a fresh start, this wasn''t exactly what they had in mind. Now Hal must choose: take on the rival to save his own business, or help the officer with her first - and possibly last - investigation? Whatever he decides, it''s No Free Lunch for Hal Spacejock! Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, No Free Lunch is the fourth novel in the Hal Spacejock series. Book five, Baker''s Dough, is also available. Winner, Western Australian Science Fiction Foundation Award, 2008 One of five finalists in the 2008 Aurealis Awards Australia''s Premier Speculative Fiction award One of six finalists in the 2008 Ditmar Awards Also available in Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two, along with books five and six in the series. This is usually the cheapest way to pick up all three novels. Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They''re not sequels, they don''t end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it''s not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker''s Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf. Keywords:comedy scifi with robots

An incompetent, accident-prone pilot is given one last chance to save his ship. An ageing robot is trusted with a midnight landing in a deserted field. And a desperate businessman is prepared to sacrifice both of them to get what he wants... Combining relentless action with non-stop laughs, Hal Spacejock explodes onto the science fiction scene with the subtlety of a meteor strike and the hushed reverence of a used car salesman.